Balance

So there are days I feel like I'm going non-stop. And honestly I struggle to find a balance. In my attempt to be a good stay at home mom and wife, I sometimes get carried away thinking this means perfection. I try not to underestimate what I am doing, but sometimes I feel unproductive. So this causes me to try and over compensate, and leaves me overextended and exhausted.

I know SAHM are no slackers, at least most of them, and I respect them tremendously, even more so now. But there is a certain flexibility SAHM tend to have that other occupations are not privy too. So this can lead people, much like myself, to believe their time is infinite. But the reality is they have just as much time in their day as any other person. And they have to manage is efficiently in order to get things done. Seems easy enough, right…

I also struggle with sharing the responsibly. I mean after all I was at home all day. I got a nap in, watched some shows, even read some articles. Yet, dinner isn't made, clothes haven't been washed, dishes haven't been done, floor isn't swept or mopped, and the list goes on. When both my husband and I worked we split the duties almost down the middle. But now that the baby is here and I'm home, somehow I feel like I should pull more weight. The problem is doing this, basically means never getting a break. Because let's face it, there is always stuff to be done. The list of things to do is never-ending.

And while I've almost got my Josi on a semi-effective schedule, there are days she is just thrown off; which means I am thrown off. Take today for instance I would love to have had dinner made, and tidied up my room. But someone decided to skip their morning nap. Which I thought meant she could go down earlier for her afternoon nap, which is usually 2 to 3 hours (YES!), but she didn't get the memo. She only slept an hour (I stole a 15-min nap during that time). I relocated thinking this would help her take a longer nap, eventually it did but only 1.5 hours later. Eventually she went down for her longer nap, an hour later than she normal does. By this time I had lost my steam to do much, so I opted to read articles and catch up on my shows. After 2 hours she was up and ready to eat, and well you get the picture. Sometimes I have the greatest intentions, but they never come to fruition because, honestly, I'd rather do something else.

So my new personal challenge is balance, wish me luck!

SAHM Friends - Meetups and Storytime

We did it! We finally made a meet up. I've been trying to make one for a while now, but we finally made. I think subconsciously I might have been avoiding it because I wasn't ready for the whole meeting new people thing. Meeting and making friends is very similar to dating which means the hard part is always the beginning…

Our first event was story time, as I mentioned we tried this before, and it was filled with mostly babysitters and nannies. And honestly there was an air of pretentiousness that I could have done without. You see living in NY is terribly expensive (for no reason in my opinion), so we chose to stay in areas that give us more band for our buck. This means I usually have to travel outside of our area to get involved in programs. And at times when I say where we are from, I can feel (or maybe I just think I can feel) the judgement, and this adds another layer. Anywho back to story time. It was really nice. So many little ones Josi's age. And the mommies were very down to earth, it was a very nice experience. I was pleasantly surprised.

So how did I find this story time? First, I joined a fb group of my surrounding areas. Then I posed the question about finding activities for new SAHM with little ones. And the suggestions flooded in…Most lead to other fb groups, some even had side meet up groups.  I love social media. So now I maybe too much to do, lol. But it's a problem I don't mind having.

Separation Anxiety

So I decided to join the gym, a small victory in more ways than one. I've joined a gym before and had some success, hoping for the same results this time around. But I've never done so based on their baby-sitting services. This gives me the ability to visit the gym freely with Jos in tow and workout at my leisure. Seems like a win-win, right? Wrong! This was the first I would be leaving my baby, and with a complete stranger. Most of the time I am no more than 500 ft away, but as a new mom I might as well be in Singapore. With this new found opportunity comes a paralyzing fear and weird separation anxiety. I welcome the hour or two I get to spend in the gym, but I worry constantly about that little girl.

I didn't think leaving her would be easy, but I must admit I never thought it would be this hard. The first day, I checked in after I warmed up, again after 30 mins of cardio (this was the longest 30 minutes EVER), after my first weight training activity, before I went to the bathroom. I'm sure you can see where this is going. I was a nervous wreck until we were back in the car on the way home. The second day I left her for 35 mins until I checked…progress. A friend once told me that she decided to stay home with her daughter until she was able to communicate well enough to let her know if something was wrong. I figured she was overreacting, but now as a parent it makes perfect sense. It's funny the irony that comes along with age and life experience. I kind of live by that rule now. 

The reality is no one will ever be good enough to take care of her than me. Leaving her might be a necessity sometimes, but it will always be hard. My basic plight as a mother is to constant worry. And while I secretly hope it gets easier, and I know it doesn't initially. So my separation anxiety will be as extensive as my gym stay for now.