Wednesday, September 24, 2014

Totally Freaking Out

So I'm sitting in my car doing this blog entry cause Josi is sleep. And rather than move her carseat and risk waking her I decided to sit in the car and get some things done.

So yesterday I hit a wall. I've been trying to stay positive and keep a stiff upper lip. But yesterday I was beat. Which I didn't realize until I was waking through Costco. My body was dragging and I had to admit it, I was tired. So instead of cleaning up last night as I had planned I sat...and watched TV. My dad is coming in town and I'd like to have things looking decent, at least. But I couldn't bring myself to do much of anything last night. I just wanted enough energy and time to sweep and clean the bathroom. Ugh!

To add to my issues, I haven't gone to the gym since Friday. For those like me letting count that's 5 days. So here's the deal with that...I'm tired. I know it's a lame excuse but it's all I got. I feel bad for not going. Especially because we're paying for it. And being on one income makes me more conscious of the way we spend money. So I feel motivated by that fact alone to go. But again I'm tired. You see I've been trying to go in the morning at 5 am as to not worry about Josi in the daycare. It's starting to get cold and people are getting sick and I'm trying to avoid that like the plague. So I avoid taking her around sick people which seems to be running through gym daycare, eek! Makes me cringe just thinking about it. Keep your sick kids home, and your sick tail home with them. Anywho, so going in the morning was working until Josi changed her schedule. So there's that, and the fact that I've lost my drive. I want to do better but I'm not motivated. And the thing that sucks is I've done this better. Two years ago I lost over 40 pounds with a modified diet and exercise. Then I was motivated, I had some ups and downs but I was a machine. I can't seem to get to that place at this moment. And that took its toll. *eyeroll*

She's close to waking up, so I'll end here. Good thing I did she just opened her eyes. :-)

Thursday, September 11, 2014

Updates

Baby Update:

It's been way to long…almost a month. Baby girl will be 6 months Saturday. Part of me is loving the watching her in transition, the other part, just a small part, wants her to be content sleeping on the chest instead of trying to get her hand on everything. But I so thankful she is growing like she should be. I don't take it fro granted at all. She's scheduled for her six month shots tomorrow, hopefully it'll go as well as 4-month shots did.

Josi started eating solid foods. Everything was fine until she realized she could push the food back out with her tongue, or just take it out with her hands. And then rub it everywhere…

She also moved to her crib. She had been co-sleeping, which I was initially against, but it made things so much easier. There are so many schools of thought on this. I don't really care, I had to do what was best for me and my baby, the new theme of my life.

She also a bit of separation anxiety, we kind of both have it. She is aware when I'm in room or when I leave. And I like her to be in my sites at most times. To me this isn't a big deal, this seems normal. We go places and she socializes with other babies, so I'm not too nervous about her being a hermit.

Mommy Update:

I've started getting us involved in more mommy-baby activities. This has proven to be quite helpful, keeps us on a bit of a schedule, gives us something to look forward to day to day (and helps us meet other mommies and babies). I have to thank meetup.com and fb groups of local community activity. Social media can be so helpful sometimes.

I still am looking for personal outlets. I go to the gym I was taking her, but she wasn't doing too great in the gym, so I'm trying to get in the morning before my husband goes to work. This means I am at the gym before the sun fully rises…a mommy is tired…but I've got goals.

My health goals are simple, get ready for the next baby. I don't need abs, just to lose the weight I gained this pregnancy. And some of the weight I was trying to lose before I got pregnant lol.

So there you have it we're trying to find a pattern. But we're making it, and that's what really matters. God bless!


Wednesday, August 13, 2014

Balance

So there are days I feel like I'm going non-stop. And honestly I struggle to find a balance. In my attempt to be a good stay at home mom and wife, I sometimes get carried away thinking this means perfection. I try not to underestimate what I am doing, but sometimes I feel unproductive. So this causes me to try and over compensate, and leaves me overextended and exhausted.

I know SAHM are no slackers, at least most of them, and I respect them tremendously, even more so now. But there is a certain flexibility SAHM tend to have that other occupations are not privy too. So this can lead people, much like myself, to believe their time is infinite. But the reality is they have just as much time in their day as any other person. And they have to manage is efficiently in order to get things done. Seems easy enough, right…

I also struggle with sharing the responsibly. I mean after all I was at home all day. I got a nap in, watched some shows, even read some articles. Yet, dinner isn't made, clothes haven't been washed, dishes haven't been done, floor isn't swept or mopped, and the list goes on. When both my husband and I worked we split the duties almost down the middle. But now that the baby is here and I'm home, somehow I feel like I should pull more weight. The problem is doing this, basically means never getting a break. Because let's face it, there is always stuff to be done. The list of things to do is never-ending.

And while I've almost got my Josi on a semi-effective schedule, there are days she is just thrown off; which means I am thrown off. Take today for instance I would love to have had dinner made, and tidied up my room. But someone decided to skip their morning nap. Which I thought meant she could go down earlier for her afternoon nap, which is usually 2 to 3 hours (YES!), but she didn't get the memo. She only slept an hour (I stole a 15-min nap during that time). I relocated thinking this would help her take a longer nap, eventually it did but only 1.5 hours later. Eventually she went down for her longer nap, an hour later than she normal does. By this time I had lost my steam to do much, so I opted to read articles and catch up on my shows. After 2 hours she was up and ready to eat, and well you get the picture. Sometimes I have the greatest intentions, but they never come to fruition because, honestly, I'd rather do something else.

So my new personal challenge is balance, wish me luck!

Tuesday, August 12, 2014

SAHM Friends - Meetups and Storytime

We did it! We finally made a meet up. I've been trying to make one for a while now, but we finally made. I think subconsciously I might have been avoiding it because I wasn't ready for the whole meeting new people thing. Meeting and making friends is very similar to dating which means the hard part is always the beginning…

Our first event was story time, as I mentioned we tried this before, and it was filled with mostly babysitters and nannies. And honestly there was an air of pretentiousness that I could have done without. You see living in NY is terribly expensive (for no reason in my opinion), so we chose to stay in areas that give us more band for our buck. This means I usually have to travel outside of our area to get involved in programs. And at times when I say where we are from, I can feel (or maybe I just think I can feel) the judgement, and this adds another layer. Anywho back to story time. It was really nice. So many little ones Josi's age. And the mommies were very down to earth, it was a very nice experience. I was pleasantly surprised.

So how did I find this story time? First, I joined a fb group of my surrounding areas. Then I posed the question about finding activities for new SAHM with little ones. And the suggestions flooded in…Most lead to other fb groups, some even had side meet up groups.  I love social media. So now I maybe too much to do, lol. But it's a problem I don't mind having.

Thursday, August 7, 2014

Separation Anxiety

So I decided to join the gym, a small victory in more ways than one. I've joined a gym before and had some success, hoping for the same results this time around. But I've never done so based on their baby-sitting services. This gives me the ability to visit the gym freely with Jos in tow and workout at my leisure. Seems like a win-win, right? Wrong! This was the first I would be leaving my baby, and with a complete stranger. Most of the time I am no more than 500 ft away, but as a new mom I might as well be in Singapore. With this new found opportunity comes a paralyzing fear and weird separation anxiety. I welcome the hour or two I get to spend in the gym, but I worry constantly about that little girl.

I didn't think leaving her would be easy, but I must admit I never thought it would be this hard. The first day, I checked in after I warmed up, again after 30 mins of cardio (this was the longest 30 minutes EVER), after my first weight training activity, before I went to the bathroom. I'm sure you can see where this is going. I was a nervous wreck until we were back in the car on the way home. The second day I left her for 35 mins until I checked…progress. A friend once told me that she decided to stay home with her daughter until she was able to communicate well enough to let her know if something was wrong. I figured she was overreacting, but now as a parent it makes perfect sense. It's funny the irony that comes along with age and life experience. I kind of live by that rule now. 

The reality is no one will ever be good enough to take care of her than me. Leaving her might be a necessity sometimes, but it will always be hard. My basic plight as a mother is to constant worry. And while I secretly hope it gets easier, and I know it doesn't initially. So my separation anxiety will be as extensive as my gym stay for now.

Wednesday, July 30, 2014

SAHM Friends - Take 1

Most SAHMs feel isolated…and now I totally get why. As always most things are a delicate balance. I want to be home to take care of my precious Josi, but I need an outlet. Things get crazy, and honestly, I underestimated the level at which I can and do overextend myself. It would be nice to hang with people who get this. Yet, much like making regular random friends, finding SAHM friends who I want to hang out with is another thing to do to my list of "to-dos."And these new SAHM must meet my even higher standard of friendship because they will be around my little one. And so it begins…

I know what your thinking where does one meet these mythical SAHMs? Well not at story time in the Westchester library…lol. Funny, my mom always told me "he who wants friends, must show himself friendly." And so last Tuesday, I put her words to action. I put on a happy face and went on a search to find other SAHM in my area. My first (and last) stop the public library, during the 0-2 years old story time. After being told I couldn't get a library card there cause I was out of district, I decided to stay for story time  anyway. As we waited to started to look over the "moms" in the group…much to my discontent, there were few to be found. Mostly babysitters and nannies filled the room, the woes of NY living.

Thus my friendliness has yielded…nothing, and quite frankly, come to a screeching halt. I'm still hopeful though cause I signed up for some SAHM meetup groups. Although to be honest, I've been apprehensive about going. It's like online dating, when it's good, it's great, but when it's bad, it's the worst. So I'm hoping for the best, but preparing for the worst. At this point though, I'm getting desperate. My first meet up is going to be next Tuesday for a book discussion on discipline, this should be good…

Tuesday, July 22, 2014

Fan Video: Working women can't have it all?

http://xfinity.comcast.net/video/working_women_cant_have_it_all/295139907885/

Yay or Nay?

New Blog

I know the name is totally weird, but since blogging has caught on, you have to be more and more creative with names. And since most of the events I reconnect will be in the past tense, I figured the title works.

So why start this blog when I have 2 others, cause it's free and I want too. Actually it's my way to chronicle my journey as a new mom, a new stay-at-home mom, and frankly, a new woman…new on that to come.

Anywho I'll give a brief synopsis…I'm 29, married (6 years, August 10), new mom to Miss Josilyn born March 13 via C-section, college grad (Bus Admin - Marketing/Accounting, MBA - Management).

After having my sweet Josi, I decided to stay home cause no one could do a better job raising my kid then me. Well, I at least wanted to opportunity to screw her up in my own personal way. Plus working to pay someone else watch my kid was not my idea of good stewardship (more on that later).

So here I am from Fortune 500 to SAHM. I know it's been done before by plenty of women who have way more going on then me, but that doesn't make the transition any easier. So here I am, in this new exciting position, that I wouldn't trade for the world. Most days I think I'm doing fine, then there are some days I'm sure that i'm failing on an epic scale. Since she's so small, she probably won't remember, then again, she'll have this lovely blog to remind her.

Well naturally in my effort to make myself more awesome I decided to try to get on some sort of schedule. I should probably be in a schedulers anonymous group, cause of my obsession with being on a schedule. So I made this nifty list of things on a cyclical basis that need to be done each week.

Monday - Laundry, Change Sheets, Towels (this will happen Wednesday this week)
Tuesday - Clean Bedrooms
Wednesday - Clean Bathrooms (only happening tomorrow cause we are having guests)
Thursday - Clean Kitchen, Grocery Shop (might change this so my husband is able to come for backup)
Friday - Living Room (perhaps dust…perhaps not)

My meager attempts to organize my life after almost a year of chaos is a continuous battle. Soo in order not to get crazy I decided to create another list of things I would like to accomplish everyday, and perhaps, add some zen to my life. They are as follows:

- walk 45 mins (to assist in losing some of my pregnancy weight)
- blog 45 mins (to assist in not losing my sanity)
- 1 hour of cleaning (cause let's face it, it has to be done at some point)
- 15 min devotion
- drink 1 cup of juice (I just got a juicier and I am determined to get all my fruits and veggies in)

So there we have it, my new "scheduled" life as a SAHM mom. Wish me luck!