Random Thought #304959304

So lately I've been mulling over whether or not to homeschool. I figured I'm not working might as well continue for a worthy cause. I'm only considering doing it until about 3rd grade. I'm kind of nervous though, not sure if I have what it takes to be a great teacher.

I also do feel a bit guilty about not wanting to run back to work. Feeling like I'm being stretched too thin. All in due time. But I digress. I know it would be benefit my children to have someone solely dedicated to their education and catering to their needs when it comes to learning. Some would argue that I am hindering them socially. And that once in a larger sitting with more children they wouldn't do as great...which then means I would be doing my children a disservice.

But let's face it. Education in this country isn't great. Teachers are overworked and underpaid. They struggle to get and give enough.

My husband usually has a lengthy opinion on everything, but when it comes to things like this he's not as opinionated. I think he's giving me a chance to make my own decision and not push me one way or another.

I just want to know I'm making the right decision either way.  But I guess I'll never really know.

What to do?

Why I decided to be a stay-at-home mom

When I first got married. Staying at home was never an option. I felt like I worked this hard to get all these degrees why would I stay home. Then as time went on I started to think about how convenient it would be if I stayed home and how I could be a kept woman lol.  And it started to appeal to me.

However, when I actually got pregnant we had recently moved to New York, and I didn't think that staying home was going to be a feasible option. So I was planning ahead to take my daughter to daycare at 6 weeks old. This was before I held her, and kissed her.  It's always harder after you hold them. And then I got hit with the even more sobering reality of daycare cost(s). It was going to cost almost $300. If I tried to put her somewhere Manhattan it could have gone anywhere from $3,000 a month and up if she was close to my husband. So we decided to create a financial snapshot for the year to see if it paid more to go to work or stay home. We included the price of driving back and forth between Jersey and New York, which included gas, car maintenence (I was driving over a 80 miles round trip each day), traffic and tolls $10 every day to cross the bridge. We also had to include things that didn't  have  a actual cost to them. If the baby was sick or the weather was bad. We didn't have the extra help so that meant that one of us would have to take off work.

And now we're here, two babies later, and I think it's one of the best decisions I made.  First, let me say as a mother and wife and overall supporter and provider you have to do what works for you and what's best for your family. This works best for me financially, but also as I started to define my role as a parent and choose my parenting style (which I'll talk more about later).

People ask if I'm ready to go back to work, and sometimes I feel guilty for saying no. Society can make you feel like staying at home and taking care of your family is not a noble work. But it is if it's meaningless and it's not that hard, why do we pay people to do? Working moms feel guilty for not having the time to spend with their children, and women who stay at home feel guilty for not working and providing financial support for their family. What a crazy jacked-up mentality we place on women, it's a no-win situation.

For me decide to stay home was more of a dollars and cents. I know and understand my skills in the market that I'm working, and it wasn't worth working for what I was bringing home. Especially not when I considered the alternative. And that's what it came down to for me knowing my work bow outside and inside the home. I'd like to think that I've done more good being home with my children, and provided them with more then I could have ever provided being at work. Unfortunately, there's no tool to really measure that .  Eventually I'll go back to work , but for now I'm content where I am . And I think we need to support all moms in whatever decision they make and cut them some slack.

Postpartum Depression and Anxiety

This article just gave me life. I dealt with some postpartum issues and this article rings so true.

Here are some points I loved:

"You have to be unapologetic about taking a hiatus."

"Start trusting that your partner is just as responsible..."

"This transition was not easy. Every day is different."

I don't agree with "My fight with PPD and all the anxieties that come with it will be over soon." It's hard to really ever be done with depression or aniexty. But it can definitely be managed, and that is what most people in this position are striving for.

Kudos to her for speaking up and out. It's so real for so many people. 

I did it!

So we're 10 weeks postpartum, and life is starting to make more sense. Moving from a family of 3 to family of 4 has been a transition, but we like it. I'm hoping for more, yes even this soon after giving birth.

Last time I was here I was contemplating whether or not to have a vbac. Well, thanks to my amazing OB, Dr. Lisa Johnson, I did it. I have a VBAC, which approves me for more vaginal births in the future. Had it not been for Dr. Johnson I would not have followed through.

Here's the story. I was so nervous about going into labor and not having anyone to watch my little one that I scheduled an induction. My induction was scheduled for 40 weeks exactly, and I was induced by foley bulb. They basically place a catheter balloon to dilate your cervix. This was done around noon without any drugs. I was also mildly committed to doing this drug free until the contractions kicked in. And boy did they kick in almost immediately after having the foley bulb inserted. So not knowing how long the process might take I asked for an epidural. Six hours later things were going pretty good, I was 6 centimeters dilated. Next came the breaking of the water, which was more like a flowing of the river.  And then it stopped. I stayed relatively the same until 4 the next day when I noticed my epidural was wearing off. But before I could get any relief my urge to push kicked in. And my son was born at 4:41 PM weighing 8 pounds.

And here we are 10 weeks later, enjoying our new family member so much. His sister is a big helper even at 2 and loves to hold him. She's such a great big sister, and getting better every day. I like having a vbac because it was a faster recovery time, and it helped me not skip a beat.

Life Updates

It's been way too long since I've blogged on here. And yes I've been watching a toddler and growing a new human, but that's no excuse. I'm going to do better.

New baby is estimated due date is January 28th. That's 3 weeks from now. (Although at this very moment feels like baby is trying to jump out of my stomach by sheer force.) I've been slowly preparing for his/her arrival (another surprise gender baby).  But this time around everything is so different. Having a toddler in tow doesn't allow certain pregnancy luxuries. But it has made the journey to this point move faster. Who can worry about how far along they are when you have someone to potty train and sleep train before a new member joins the household.

But even with a toddler distraction my birthing fears are becoming more real. With my 1st she never turned and I was preemclamtic, so an elective csection at 39 weeks was my birthing option. As most csection mom's know this is the recommended method going forward. But more moms in this position are trying vbac (vaginal birth after cesarean). I was gunho for this at the beginning then this baby seemed like they didn't want to turn, so I settled on another csection. But to my surprise at the  28 week ultrasound little bit had turned. Now I was faced with a choice. Csection or trial of labor? I won't bore you with the pros and cons. But everyday I feel something different about both lol. The biggest deciding factor now is my body's ability to prepare and start labor.

So we'll see what happens this time around. Ultimately just praying for a healthy delivery for mom and baby.

More to Come...

It's been a while. Last time I wrote on on here my baby was barely one. Now she's walking and talking, and can't be stopped. Time is flying. And now we're on our way to a family of 4. I'm so excited, but also tired. But more excited than tired. :D

Life updates

It's been a while...still getting used to this SAHM job. It's been so rewarding. But this winter has sucked. When we haven't been stranded the house because of the snow, we've been stuck here because we're sick. It's been such a roller coaster. And our colds seem to mutating faster than I can clean. Needless to say I can't wait for spring or at least a week without snow. I'll take whichever comes first. This weather is so isolating, one of the SAHM drawbacks. I try to get out when I can, which mostly depends on the roads and temperature. The cost of living up east.

In other news I'm planning a 1st Birthday party. At first I was opposed to the idea then I decided what not, only happens once. And while she won't know what's going on, we will. So we celebrate!! It's a bubble and dance party. I decided not to go character route cause she's not really a fan of must current shows. But she loves to dance so that's what we'll do. Pics to come!